one might say we're banned from that church
You can't special order awesome
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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