God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
