i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
