In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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