this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
