Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
