I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will pee on everything he values.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
