He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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