i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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