I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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