I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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