i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
