Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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