At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
