So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
