Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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