My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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