I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
