Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
