Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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