so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize