Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
