two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
