Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
