I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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