Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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