i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
