1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
