Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
