In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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