Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
