The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We need to get me chipped asap
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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