the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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