Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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