your thong is hanging out like whoa
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
