i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hippo gnu deer
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks