Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.