whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
whose parrot is this?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
