dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.