You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.