I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
