so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
