we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
