i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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