I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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