I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
