i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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