I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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