somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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