He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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