First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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