shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
