her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.