i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever