somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes