Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.