Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead