She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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