we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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