my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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