Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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