Too much gin, very little bucket
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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