I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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