woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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