I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
