Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
