I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am available for nakedness
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
