chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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