I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
