new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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