Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
