@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
